Gender Equality is not just a Women’s Issue

Empowering women is not a feminist goal. It’s a societal goal. Similarly, empowering boys and men is not “the Patriarchy” fighting back; it’s actually also a feminist goal. Achieving gender equity isn’t about one side winning or losing. We are not playing a zero-sum game here. The goal is not to win. Nor is it to outplay the “others”. It’s about both men and women having the space to thrive and develop in an environment that values them equally.

To get there, we need to think about how society has defined expectations for genders, and how much those definitions are hurting everyone, not just women. This Lesson is a bit of an exception. It’s not really a lesson, but more of an opinion piece. It’s my take on the gender debate at a time when young men are being co-opted by bad actors and young women cannot turn to a single news channel without some known abuser either going to jail or the White House. I know: spicy. But Spring has sprung. Talking about genders just fits the season.

Courtesy of WIX Media

Equality vs. Equity: Understanding the Difference

Before we get into it, let’s clear up a key concept: equality vs. equity.

Equality is about providing everyone with the same opportunities. Sounds good, right? On paper, it’s fair. You get a shot; I get a shot. But we know life doesn’t work that way. People come from different backgrounds, face different challenges, and have different resources at their disposal. This is where equity comes in.

Equity is about providing people with the specific circumstances they need to have the same opportunities. It’s not just about giving everyone the same thing, instead considering people’s differences. It’s about giving people what they each need to succeed. In other words, it’s about distributing resources based on need rather than giving everyone the same amount.

Think of it this way: equality is like putting all the kids on the same starting line for a race, while equity is about giving the kids who have been training the longest a better set of shoes and the kids who are running on an injured leg a little extra support.

For the Love of Men: The Missing Conversation

Take Liz Plank’s groundbreaking book “For the Love of Men”. She breaks down in a wonderful courtroom-style how societal expectations on men (particularly those vehemently promoted by proponents of the Patriarchy) are exactly what have led to so many men suffering. While women have benefited rightfully in many ways from feminism, an important aspect that often goes unnoticed is how the idea of “a woman” has been redefined by it. Womanhood and “being a woman” nowadays can mean so many things. It is a flexible, modern, and inclusive identity. A woman is a woman in a suit and just as much a woman in a dress. Men have largely been left behind in this aspect. The question, “What does it mean to be a man?” is answered in outdated manuals – scripts written centuries ago, with updates a little more recent than the last Ice Age.

Men don’t have the same kind of freedom to explore their identity. Women can step into a variety of roles: ambitious, nurturing, creative, independent, maternal. Grain of salt here, though: we are still far from an ideal situation, and women still face bias (both conscious and unconscious) and discrimination. We still have ways to go. But men have not even started the journey. Men are still largely expected to conform to a singular idea of stoic, unemotional, breadwinner masculinity. And here’s the rub: it is those exact men who are constrained by a singular, outdated expectation of masculinity that show the strongest biases towards women as a result. In a world where gender lines are becoming increasingly blurred, this one-size-fits-all script doesn’t work anymore, for anyone.

So what happens when you have an entire group of diverse individuals being told to conform to a singular identity? Well, you get rising rates of male suicide (5 times higher for US men aged 14-30 than for women in the same age group between 2020-2023), social isolation, and mental health struggles. Men are taught to suppress their emotions, to value dominance over empathy, and to turn inward when they’re struggling. Women are free to be empathic and caregivers as well as ambitious and independent. Society rarely gives men the same permission.

Bowling Alone: The Crisis of Male Loneliness

This brings us to another crucial issue: the loneliness epidemic. This isn’t just a product of the digital age. As Robert Putnam points out in “Bowling Alone”, the breakdown of community organizations and social clubs in the late 20th century marked the beginning of a deep societal shift. Men, in particular, have been affected by this shift, primarily because of the societal gender gap that was our “starting point”. The man of the family was the more prominent one in society, engaging with people outside the family’s immediate circle through, primarily, their job. That way, they got to join after-work activities such as hobby clubs, sports teams, and civic groups. Women, on the other hand, cultivated connections within their immediate circle, which led to more robust support networks that, for the most part, work just as well nowadays. Once society shifted away from after-work activities, meetings moved online, work went remote… Men had more to lose.

In 1990, over half of all men in the U.S. (55%) reported having six or more close friends. By 2021, that number had dropped to 27%, with 15% of men saying they now have no close friends at all, up from just 3% three decades ago.

We don’t just need to reconnect communities; we need to rethink what connection looks like for men. Male friendships should not be about “just the guys getting together to drink beers.” They should be spaces for vulnerability, for empathy, for meaningful conversation. In other words, men need the same thing women have long cultivated: support networks that allow them to be their authentic selves without fear of judgment.

The Most Dangerous Person in the World: A Lost Generation

Professor Scott Galloway said in 2022 that the most dangerous person in the world is “a young man who’s broke and alone”. This is not a new concept, but it’s more relevant than ever. When society fails to provide young men with purpose, structure, or a sense of belonging, we create a breeding ground for radicalism, resentment, and violence. If you look at the rise of movements that target men’s perceived loss of status, it’s easy to see how dangerous this situation can be for society. But maybe equally important: how sad it can be.

When a woman turns on their TV nowadays and sees a tragedy on the news, she is more likely to identify with the victim. A man, more likely to identify with the aggressor. And in either situation, the biggest loss is not to the individual watching TV, but to us as a society for reaching the point where those associations can so easily be made.

This generation of men is at risk of falling through the cracks. They are vulnerable and being corrupted by bad actors. They are being whispered to by snakes in the garden. If we continue to allow the “zero-sum” narrative to reach men and to portray women as “the other”, an entire generation will believe that we have pushed them into a corner and forgotten about them.

It should be our duty as a society to make sure they are not marginalized or demonized, but instead educated, empowered, and understood. Compassion needs to return to the conversation and replace competition. We must remember that every dictatorship in history started off by crushing those within it. The patriarchy is no exception.

What to Do: A Personal Take on a Potential Solution

So, what’s the solution? It’s going to take both institutional change and cultural change.

Institutional Change

We need role models. Good ones. Men need to see examples of leadership that don’t just rely on old-school ideals of stoicism or control. Remember your time at school. How many of your teachers were men? I imagine not many. Role models are not just on TV or at home. They are in our schools, in our administration, and in our civic life. And how many of those today would you consider good male role models? We’ve spent decades rightly campaigning for better access for women to STEM fields, now it’s time to push for men to enter HEAL (Health, Education, Administration, and Literacy) fields. Future jobs in education, caregiving, and public health are growing and are likely to have much higher staying power in the future, as many analytical fields become automated or more prone to AI influence. These aren’t just “soft skills”; they’re the future. And they will remain dangerously understaffed if we continue to push both girls and boys into STEM fields, because “good at math = smart”, and disapprove of them pursuing creative or compassionate fields of interest.

Our education systems need a revamp, too. An unexpected benefit of relieving artificial constructs in our educational systems that promoted young boys and disadvantaged young girls was to see, maybe for the first time ever, how objectively bad our educational systems generally are. Boys, in particular, are underperforming. They lack mentorship and guidance and are struggling to keep up with their female colleagues. The still lingering expectations that boys should be good at maths and sports instead of at writing and the arts lead them to ignore their talents and be boxed into stereotypes. The curriculum, as well as the structure of our educational systems, must adapt to modern expectations, allowing for flexibility for individual children to pursue their curiosities, learn what they enjoy, and develop their talents without judgment from outdated gender stereotypes.

And while we’re at it, why not take a page from Universal Basic Income (UBI)? It’s been a topic of debate for years, but it’s an idea that could offer a solution to many of the issues both men and women face in today’s economy. It is a valuable economic tool to ensure that taking care of the home, raising children, and simply being an active participant in your family gets recognized for the tremendous benefits it offers our economies. If children from a healthy household are statistically less likely to engage in unlawful behavior as adults, less likely to be jobless, less likely to cause harm to others, shouldn’t their parents reap some of those economic benefits we all get to enjoy? And particularly regarding men, whether it’s job insecurity, the stigma of asking for help, or the strain of gendered expectations, UBI can help overcome many aspects of economic isolation currently experienced by young men.

Cultural Change

Culturally, we need to promote universal civic values that transcend gender. Responsibility, care, ambition, and confidence should not be the domain of any one sex. These are qualities we need in all adults, and it’s high time we started seeing them as such.

Furthermore, we need to stop gendering everything. “Pink is girly.” “Boys don’t cry.” These cultural and linguistic norms don’t just restrict women. They harm men, too. There is no reason why a boy can’t wear a dress, or a girl can’t play with trucks. Or why pursuing your talent for painting is girly and being good at sports is butch.

Ultimately, the goal is to break free from these outdated gender norms and build a society that allows both men and women to express their full humanity. Not as representatives of a gender in opposition to each other, but as people, in pursuit of a more equal, just world. Achieving gender equity isn’t just about empowering women. It is especially not about empowering women to the detriment of men. It’s about making sure that people of all genders are given the tools, support, and freedom to thrive as human beings. The future isn’t about gender division. It’s about breaking down the barriers that limit us all.